Let me start with something I do not say enough.
Building Strategic Moves Media Network has never just been about politics. Yes, that is the lane most people know us for. Black political power, civic infrastructure, elections, accountability — that is the work. But power does not only live in city hall or on a ballot. Power lives in every institution that shapes how Black people see themselves, what they believe they deserve, and whether they feel free enough to live honestly.
The church is one of those institutions.
And for a long time, the church has been getting a pass on some conversations that it desperately needs to have.
That is why I did not hesitate when Dr. Heather E. Burton came to me about bringing Sanctified & Stilettos into the SMN family. What she does on that show is exactly what this network exists to do — create space for the real conversations that powerful institutions would rather keep private.
So let me introduce her properly.
Dr. Heather Burton is now part of the Strategic Moves Media Network.
She is a faith leader, speaker, actress, model, and media personality based right here in Cleveland. She hosts Sanctified & Stilettos — a podcast built on the idea that saved and sexy are not opposites. That your faith and your full humanity can exist in the same room at the same time. That the questions you are asking in private about love, relationships, identity, and freedom are questions that God is not afraid of — even when the church acts like it is.
Her show is smart, it is unfiltered, and it does not apologize for being both of those things at once. Which is exactly the energy that belongs on SMN.
The first episode we are dropping is called Faith Leaders Dating Publicly — Unfiltered. And I want to tell you about it because I watched this conversation and kept thinking — this is the kind of thing people screenshot, share, and send to their group chats at midnight with no caption. Just a screenshot. Because it says the thing.
Dr. Heather brings in two well-known single Cleveland pastors. Pastor Courtney Clayton Jenkins, Senior Pastor of South Euclid United Church of Christ — a sacred community she has been leading for 15 years, growing from 40 people to over 400 in person and 250 more online every Sunday. And Reverend David Cobb, Pastor of Emanuel Baptist Church on Quincy Avenue, who has been shepherding his congregation for nearly 19 years.
Both of them are recently divorced. Both of them are single. Both of them are navigating something that almost nobody in ministry talks about in public — what does your personal life actually look like when your professional life belongs to everyone who has ever sat in your pews?
Dr. Heather asks the question plainly in the opening: what does dating even look like when people see you as a spiritual leader first and a person second?
What follows is about an hour of the most honest conversation I have heard about faith, privacy, love, boundaries, divorce, and the particular weight of being watched by hundreds of people who believe God sent you to them — every single week.
The Fishbowl
Both pastors talked about this early and it set the tone for everything that followed.
Pastor Jenkins put it simply: she is a public figure. Not a celebrity — she was careful about that distinction — but a public figure who understands that her private life has public consequences. She has a son. She has a congregation. She has staff. She has spent 15 years building something that hundreds of people depend on. And the awareness of all of that never fully turns off.
Reverend Cobb said he thinks of it as being on. Even when he is out, even when he is off duty, when someone from his congregation sees him — he is on. That is not performance. That is the reality of pastoral leadership.
Someone in the conversation quoted a mentor who said it best: you are a fish in a fishbowl. Whether you like it or not, they are watching everything.
That framing stuck with me because I think it applies beyond ministry. Any of us who do public work — political strategists, media operators, community leaders — we are all in some version of that fishbowl. The question is not whether people are watching. The question is whether you have built a life strong enough to withstand being watched.
The Policy
Here is where the conversation got really interesting.
Pastor Jenkins has a written dating and monogamy policy that every leader in her congregation must sign at the top of every year. Every deacon, every staff member, every person in a certified leadership role. She did not write it out of caution. She wrote it because something happened that required a response.
She went looking for the biblical precedent and found it in a part of the story of Eli that most people skip right past. Everyone focuses on Eli and Hannah praying for a child. But if you go to chapter two, you find that Eli’s sons were having relations with women in the congregation. And the glory of the Lord left the temple.
Her conclusion was simple and absolute. Her policy exists so the glory of the Lord does not leave her house. Her words: “I ain’t Eli.”
She also addressed the part of this conversation that gets skipped over even more often — the power dynamics. When leaders date within the congregation, it is never just a relationship. It is a power structure. The person being pursued by a pastor or deacon is in a vulnerable position whether they recognize it or not. And when it goes wrong — when it becomes harassment, when someone’s heart gets broken, when someone leaves the church — the institution absorbs that damage along with the people inside it.
She said it plainly: this will not be heartbreak hotel. And if it does not work out, somebody is going to have to leave.
The NDA
This is the moment that I knew this show belonged on SMN.
Pastor Jenkins requires a non-disclosure agreement from anyone who wants to know her beyond her role and her title. Not on the first date. Not in the early stages. But at the point where a relationship is moving toward something real — she has that conversation, and she has that document.
She was asked how she came up with it. She said she watched how celebrities operate — NDA at the door, every guest signs before they come in. She said she has also been violated in her own home by someone who then went out and said whatever they believed was happening inside it. And she made a decision: if you want access to the private version of me — the one who is not a pastor, not a public figure, just a person — this is the requirement.
She was not defensive about it. She was not apologetic. She said: these are my boundaries. At this level, this age, this stage — this is what comes with me. If you want to get with it, get with it. If you do not, she is not offended.
And what surprised her was the response. The men she has shared it with have not been put off by it. Most of them have said — I have things to protect too. Let us both sign.
That right there is what she called it: date somebody who has just as much to lose as you do. Because if they have nothing to lose, they will not respect what you have built.
The Divorce Nobody Talks About
Both pastors are recently divorced. And the conversation they had about that was the most honest thing I have heard clergy say about the subject in a long time.
Pastor Jenkins described the night she realized her marriage was over — a Saturday at 6 PM. She said she was grateful it happened during COVID because when she had to show up the next Sunday, nobody was in the sanctuary except the staff. No congregant faces to navigate while she was barely holding herself together. Just her team. And her friend who does her makeup running up to bring the puffiness down so she could get back up and lead.
She sent her congregation an email when she was ready. A PR friend helped her write it. And the advice that friend gave her is advice I want every leader to hear: do not just share the news. Tell people what you need them to do. Because if you do not tell them, they will make it up. And that will be a problem.
What she asked for was simple. Respect my privacy. Do not discuss this. And if you cannot do it for any other reason, do it because I have a child and I am asking you as a mother to help me protect him.
South Euclid United Church of Christ honored that. When her divorce eventually became public and someone told her their spouse spoke to two people in her congregation every single day and had no idea — she said she got to tell her own story. That is rarer than it should be. And she is forever grateful for it.
Reverend Cobb went through something similar at Emmanuel Baptist. The support he received from his congregation during that transition changed his relationship with them in ways he did not expect. He said it made him a better pastor. Because now when couples come to him, he knows what he is actually talking about in a way he did not before.
What She Actually Wants
By the end of the conversation, Dr. Heather asked both pastors a simple question. What are you looking for?
Reverend Cobb talked about clarity — knowing what the other person wants and being honest about what he wants in return. Reciprocity. Peace. The ability to be himself without performing. And someone who respects his calling without being intimidated by it or trying to turn it into a title for themselves.
He talked about a real challenge for male pastors — women who are not looking for him, but for the First Lady position. The title. The platform. The access. And how you learn, over time, to ask: are you trying to get to know David? Or are you trying to get to the Reverend?
Pastor Jenkins was equally specific and equally unapologetic. She wants a man who is secure. Who knows who he is and is building something in his own life unrelated to her. Emotional maturity. Emotional intelligence. Someone whose faith and spirituality are real to him — she is not checking doctrinal boxes, but she needs someone who respects the spirit world and the work she does in it. And yes — she said it plainly — she wants someone equally yoked. Someone who knows his main fork from his salad fork. Someone who is well-groomed, walks well, smells good, puts himself together.
And then she talked about what she actually sees for her life going forward. She does not want to get married again. She does not want someone who lives locally. She wants a life partner — someone to do life with, to travel with, to maintain healthy boundaries with. Someone who lives in their own house. Who meets her in Rome.
When she was warned the church would come for her about that she said: “Come for me. I don’t care.”
The Line I Keep Coming Back To
There is a moment near the end of the episode where Pastor Jenkins talks about the church’s relationship to personal freedom. And she says something that I have been turning over in my head ever since.
She said the church is the only place with the longest list of what God won’t do. God won’t bless this. God won’t do that. God won’t show up here. And she said she just does not accept that framework anymore. Either God can do what God wants to do — or God can’t. You cannot have it both ways.
That is not a woman who has left her faith. That is a woman whose faith has grown past the institution’s rules about it. And there is a difference.
She closed by describing coming home after the longest day. Son on the couch. She made a charcuterie board and pulled out her caviar. Put it on potato chips. Sat at her kitchen island in her quiet house on her own time and asked herself: girl, who are you?
Her answer: the one I love.
She said she does not even recognize the version of herself she has become. And the little girl she used to be never would have imagined it. But this is the woman she is now. And she is not apologizing for any of it. “I am weird. Jesus was weird. When you study that word, it’s a compliment.”
Why This Show Is on SMN
I built this network because I believe Black people deserve media that takes them seriously. All of them. Not just the political ones. Not just the economic ones. The full human being — including the part that goes to church on Sunday, has questions they cannot ask out loud, and deserves a space where someone will ask those questions for them.
Dr. Heather Burton does that. Every single episode.
Welcome to the family, Dr. Heather.
Watch the full episode right here →
Follow Dr. Heather Burton: @DrHEBurton on Instagram Follow Pastor Courtney Jenkins: @RevCCCJ on all platforms Follow Reverend David Cobb: EmanuelBaptistCleveland.org
And if you have been sleeping on Pastor Jenkins’ book — The Bible in 52 Weeks for Black Women is available right now on Amazon through Kalisto Publishing. Pick it up.
One question before you go:
What is the conversation your faith community is avoiding right now — and who do you trust to finally have it?
Drop it in the comments. I read every single one.
— Kenn Dowell Strategic Moves Media Network